Today I found toilet paper.
It was the first time I had seen it on the shelves in a month of going to the grocery store every week. It was the second place I went after not finding it at my usual store. It was the last one on the shelf, as if some employee found it mashed on the side of an aisle after the morning rush. Toilet paper shortage has been a real (and manufactured only by panic) thing lately and I was so happy to find it that I considered taking a thumbs up victory photo with it. I didn't - partially because the facial recognition unlock of my phone doesn't recognize me in a mask. But I also stepped back and thought about it. Me in a mask giving a happy thumbs up because I found something as inane as toilet paper was absurd. It's also peak 2020 so far. Even if things work out to the best they could for the rest of the year, I'm still going to be explaining to my eventual disbelieving grandkids that going out of the house in PPE and finding toilet paper after a month was a real experience that happened in 2020, and I'm guessing by no means a rare one. They're going to look at me like I'm Grandpa Simpson talking about tying an onion to my belt and in that moment of disconnect, I'm going to have a profound sadness that I can't express the absurdity of a year where (hopefully only) one hundred thousand people died and the rest of us struggled to find toilet paper.
I am participating in Lockdown Readfest! For March 30th and 31st, I will be joining a group of authors making some of their ebooks $.99 and donating the proceeds of this sale to COVID-19 causes!
My contribution to the sale is the second Nowak Brothers book, Jabberwock Jack! However, there are other amazing books on sale so you should check them out as well!
Here's the full reddit post with all the included books and their links!
Get yourself a little of weird Christmas spirit by downloading a free copy of my story, DANE MONDAY SAVES CHRISTMAS (WITH HELP)! Join an unlikely pair of mismatched heroes, Dane Monday and Szandor Nowak on an unexpected adventure to save New Avalon from a villain who would destroy Christmas! Robot Santas, bombs, explosions, plasma guns, and a rocket powered sleigh! And a brazen homage bordering on sheer theft of my favorite Christmas song ever!
Help Dane Monday save Christmas!
You wanted it, you got it!
CTHULHU, PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR is now in paperback!
One of the most common questions I get asked is when CTHULHU, PI would be available in paperback, since it was Kindle only. I've never had a real answer for that, since the novella was just too short to have a realistic paperback edition. This issue is now solved, as CTHULHU, PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR is now CTHULHU, PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR AND OTHER STORIES! Seven other stories have been added to it, listed below.
Already have the book via Kindle? Not a problem! Have your Kindle update your copy and you will get the new edition with all the stories!
Homeowner's Guide to Interdimensional Portals
Confession to a Friend
Devil Takes His Cut
Dane Monday Saves Christmas (With Help)
Your favorite novel just got better! I KILL MONSTERS is newly revised in its second edition! New chapter headers, better text flow! Already own it on Kindle? Get the update for free from Amazon!
I Kill Monsters
Mikkel and Szandor kill monsters.
So what if they're making it up as they're going along? How much do you need to know to bash in a zombie's head with a lead pipe or slice a ghoul with an internet-bought katana?
They may in fact have no clue what they're doing.
But if you need someone to go down into the sewers to clear out some monsters, figure out why everyone in your neighborhood is getting bitten, or if you swear you really saw a zombie and you don't know who to call, then call them. They'll show up in their van of makeshift weapons, gear, and cleaning supplies to investigate your problem. They may be twenty-somethings with their own issues, but when it comes to monsters they know what they're doing.
They probably have no clue what they're doing.
That has never stopped them before.
Hired by a woman from the rich side of town who believes she's being stalked by monsters, the two brothers think they've finally gotten an easy job that will pay well. But as they follow the clues, nothing adds up. Kidnappings, jackbooted commandos, and mysterious emails are just the beginning. Soon they find themselves involved in something bigger than monsters. It's anybody's guess whether they'll come through it alive, much less get paid.
Murder Monday, the third Dane Monday book, is my truest Halloween book, as it occurs on the days leading up to and on Halloween itself. It also has creepy puppets. I think I got a fitting cover for it. It's free today!
This was my first published book and I think a worthy entry into the Everything Goes Wrong in a Creepy Mental Hospital horror subgenre. It also has a bunch of my Silent Hill love showing. Free on kindle today and tomorrow!
The Lost and the Damned
One day I woke up with the idea of a ghost story in my head. I'm not sure exactly where it came from, but I let it simmer and it became this Victorian ghost story with my own twist on it. I'm proud of this one, even though the cover could have been better. Want a chilling read? It's free on kindle for the next few days!
The Last Ghost
I've always really been proud of the parody cover of the third Damned Lies novel. The OG Dawn of the Dead has always had a special place in my heart. So when I needed a cover for a absurd novel partially involving zombies, of course a certain iconic movie poster came to mind. The kindle edition of this book is free today and tomorrow, which is what got it on my mind. https://amzn.to/31J2uXl #damnedlies #damnedliesofthedead #dawnofthedead
Get the second Damned Lies book, DAMNED LIES STRIKE BACK! for free! The first book is always free, so you can get the first two books in the series absolutely free!